Most people get into it when they’re teenagers

Goth culture hasn’t even been around long enough for people your age to have gotten into it when they were teenagers. And they rarely keep it up into their 40s.

Not true. Goth subculture has been around for 30 years, give or take. I know more than a few eldergoths who have stayed in the scene since their teens. posted by elsietheeel at 6:14 AM on [7 favorites]

Seconded, just for esteem to the OP. Goth came up hand-in-hand with punk rock. They may not keep the physical trappings up as much as they did when they were younger (deathhawks are a lot of work,) or hang out at concerts, but they’re definitely around and in plenty of places. I used to run a punk-rock/goth boutique in NYC and saw plenty a number of down-low goths, tourists and locals alike. posted by griphus at 6:24 AM on [2 favorites]

OK, so maybe I’m technically wrong on that historical point. Admittedly, I based my comment on a quick check of Wikipedia, which dates gothism back to the ’80s.

They reflected reality, as opposed to the way people wish the world really was

But the more relevant question for the OP’s purposes is what percent of people his age are that type. Much closer to 0% than 1%. Don’t make that your main criterion. posted by Jaltcoh at 6:30 AM on

Fair enough, Jaltcoh. I think you (OP) may want to widen your weird-dar. The difference between someone who grew up with .45 Grave and someone who is totally open to listening and enjoying them? Minuscule.

Oh, and as far as the blond girl example you gave? There are people really, really on the DL who you’d never be able to peg for a goth/punk/whatever in their earlier years just because they never bothered with the ink or the piercings and need to work a job where fishnets

abd creepers just won’t fly. I have friends in their mid-30s who went from holy-crap-look-at-that-guy goth fifteen years ago to Hawaiian shirts and slacks today. posted by griphus at 6:43 AM on [1 favorite]

And the non-goths who are saying that you should give the non-goths a try are kinda not getting the goth thing. But I do think OK Cupid is going to be your best bet, I just think you have to give it more time. 20-somethings who aren’t goth can find someone in 2 weeks. But there are a lot less of us 40-somethings on the site, let alone 40-something goths. (I’m assuming the other commentor is correct about your age. If not, I apologize.) Both times I used dating sites, it took about 18 months to find someone. (And I’m not goth and I’m female, which is an advantage on dating sites.) But it was worth the wait — the first relationship lasted 9 years, the second one is now in it’s 5th year and I’m keeping this one best couples seeking men hookup sites.

And as a nearly 50 y.o. woman, I didn’t have a problem with your previous answers. posted by MexicanYenta at 7:05 AM on [1 favorite]

But the more relevant question for the OP’s purposes is what percent of people his age are that type. Much closer to 0% than 1%. Don’t make that your main criterion.

Lots of people in the 80’s were listening to The Damned, Christian Death, Bauhaus, &c

This doesn’t make any sense. , seeing as how that’s when those bands were making records and touring. Lots of those people were women who are now around 40. However, I don’t know that many women of their age who would ever label themselves «goth», even if they still dress in black and go see Mark Ryden shows. Once you grow up a bit, you can just be yourself without subscribing to particular identifiers.